So You Want to Be a Disciple-Maker…Where do you start?

The Weaknesses of the Relational Style of Disciple Making

Pastor Doug Beutler

In my last blog, I talked about where to start if you want to become a disciple maker. We explored the relational style of disciple making and some of its great strengths.

Today, I want to talk about some of its weaknesses.

Someone once told me that the strengths of a personality, skill, or gift, when taken to the extreme, can become its weakness. That’s especially true of the relational style of disciple making. In this post, I’ll share three common weaknesses that often arise when this style is pushed to the extreme.

1. The Love of Acceptance Leaves Them Vulnerable to Peer Pressure

One of the biggest challenges for those with a relational style is their deep desire to be accepted. They love people so much that they don’t want anyone to be upset with them. They don’t want to be rejected or disappoint others, and because they dislike confrontation, they’ll often avoid it at all costs.

That desire to please can make them vulnerable to peer pressure. They may give in when they shouldn’t, say “yes” when they should say “no,” or stay silent when they ought to speak up. Often, this comes from a place of insecurity — wanting people’s approval rather than resting in God’s love and approval.

I remember early in my ministry, when I worked for Youth for Christ Campus Life, we took a group of kids to Florida for a week-long conference. After a long drive, we stopped for the night in Ocala and decided to watch a movie together. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t something we should’ve been watching either. I knew better, but because everyone wanted to see it — students and staff alike — I gave in.

Later, I felt deeply convicted. My desire to be liked had gotten in the way of making a godly decision.

If this is your tendency, remember this truth: God already loves and accepts you. You don’t need to compromise to be accepted by others.

2. They Avoid Risking the Friendship

Relational disciple makers often invest deeply in friendships — they work hard to build and nurture them. That’s a beautiful thing, but sometimes the fear of losing the friendship can keep them from sharing their faith.

They may think, “If I bring up Jesus, it could make things awkward or even end the friendship.” So they stay quiet, even when the Holy Spirit nudges them to speak. But real love and true friendship mean we’re willing to talk about the hard things, even when it’s uncomfortable.

I remember a trip I took in college with my roommate and a friend. One night, they wanted to stay for an X-rated movie at a drive-in. I didn’t want to, but they pressured me — and for a moment, I gave in. As I sat there, I felt miserable. Finally, I told them I was leaving, even if it meant walking back to the campground. To my surprise, they both decided to leave too.

Fifteen years later, that same friend — now a pastor — came up to me at a conference. He said, “I’ve wanted to tell you for years that I’m sorry for that night. Your boldness to stand for what was right changed my life.”

I was shocked, but humbled. What I thought might hurt our friendship actually deepened it. True friendship grows stronger when it’s rooted in truth.

3. They Put Earning the Right to Be Heard Ahead of Speaking the Truth

Earning the right to be heard is important — people need to know we care before they care what we know. But sometimes, relational disciple makers take this too far. They keep waiting for the “perfect time” to talk about Jesus — a time that never comes.

We must remember that the people we love the most are the ones who most need to hear the gospel from us. The real question is: Do we love them, and do they know it? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to speak truth in love.

People are often more open to hearing about Jesus than we think. Many are quietly wondering if God is real and if faith actually makes a difference.

I’m reminded of a story about Lloyd, a doctoral student who was a follower of Christ. He often had lunch with a classmate named Al, who didn’t know Jesus. Many times, their conversations edged toward faith, but Lloyd always held back, afraid he hadn’t earned the right to share yet. One day, as they discussed grace, Lloyd placed his pen on the table and said, “Al, when you decide to accept the gift of grace and commit your life to Christ, pick up this pen.” Al sat silently for over an hour. A friend walked by and, seeing the tension, said jokingly, “Why not do it now and get on with your life?” and walked away. Moments later, Al reached out, grabbed the pen, and said, “Now is the time.” Lloyd realized then — the risk was worth it.

The truth is, the risk is always worth it.

The relational style of disciple making is powerful — it builds trust, love, and genuine connection. But it also requires intentionality. We must recognize our weaknesses, submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading, and walk closely with Him every day.

When we do, our relationships don’t just grow deeper — they become plowed holy ground for God to work through us.

So You Want to Be a Disciple-Maker… Where Do You Start?

We’ve heard sermons about disciple-making.

We’ve read about it in Scripture.

We know Jesus commanded it.

But there’s one haunting question that keeps many followers of Jesus from actually making disciples:

Where do I start?

The best place to start is by understanding your style of disciple-making. Every follower of Jesus has a unique way of influencing others based on personality, spiritual gifts, and life experiences. While we may use all the styles at different times, most of us naturally lean toward one or two.

In this post, we’ll begin with the most common approach — the relational style of disciple-making.

The Strengths of the Relational Style of Disciple-Making

1. It encourages people to come together and discover Jesus.

Luke 5:29a – “Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house…”

After Levi decided to follow Jesus, the first thing he did was throw a banquet. He invited his friends — many who didn’t yet know Jesus — to meet Him. Jesus was the guest of honor, and the meal became a setting for transformation.

There’s something about eating together that breaks down barriers. Whether it’s over a meal, coffee, or a casual meetup, these neutral spaces create room for honest, heart-level conversations.

I often tell pastors to get out of their offices and meet people in public places. I know one pastor who goes to the same coffee shop every Thursday for two hours. He posts it on social media and invites anyone to stop by. His purpose? To meet people, listen to their stories, have spiritual conversations, and share the good news of Jesus. That’s what it looks like to be a relational disciple-maker.

2. It engages friends and family in spiritual conversations about Jesus.

Luke 5:29b – “…and a large crowd…”

Levi’s banquet was a party with a purpose. The crowd included tax collectors and others who were considered sinners. These were people the religious crowd avoided — but Jesus went right to them.

Today, people are still curious about faith. A recent LifeWay survey found that 51% of Americans are curious about why people are so devoted to their faith, and 60% of the religiously unaffiliated are open to hearing about faith and having spiritual conversations. That’s an open door waiting to be walked through.

One of our church elders felt led to start an “open table” in the park during the summer. Each week they ate together, then transitioned into a seeker-friendly Bible discussion. The table became a safe place for people to ask honest questions about faith — conversations that might never have happened inside a church building.

3. It enjoys a diverse group of people in spiritual conversations.

Luke 5:29c – “…a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them…”

What a diverse gathering! Tax collectors, sinners, Jesus’ followers, and even religious leaders — all together because of Jesus. The only thing they had in common was Him.

Relational disciple-makers love this kind of environment. They enjoy meeting new people, appreciate diversity, and can skillfully turn everyday conversations into spiritual ones. People energize them.

I once met a young man at Starbucks who had been visiting our church. He joined our church softball team, and over time we started talking about faith. As he shared about his life and work, he admitted he didn’t have much of a spiritual foundation. But he was drawn to the joy and friendship he saw among the guys on the team. I told him that what he saw in them came from their relationship with Jesus. He said, “I want to know more.” That single conversation led to weekly meetings and eventually a disciple-making relationship.

That’s the heart of the relational style — creating spaces where people can belong, believe, and begin to follow Jesus.

Looking Ahead

Next time, we’ll take an honest look at some of the weaknesses of the relational style of disciple-making — and how to grow through them.

What Is In-Between the Church Growth Movement and the Micro Church Movement?

By Pastor Doug Beutler

Over the last four decades, the Church Growth Movement—often called the Seeker Movement—has significantly shaped the American church. With leaders like Bill Hybels, Rick Warren, and Robert Schuller at the forefront, this movement emphasized connecting with non-Christians through engaging services, positive messages, and attractional strategies.

Marketing, extensive programming, and a polished Sunday experience were key. Like many pastors, I bought into this model wholeheartedly. I’ll never forget the first time I visited Willow Creek—I was blown away. As a young church planter, I believed this was the way to do church.

But now, another model is gaining momentum…

The Rise of the Micro Church Movement

Though house churches have existed for centuries, the Micro Church Movement is a modern expression focused on reaching people who are far from traditional church. The goal is to build relationships with those who have been hurt by the church or are skeptical of Christianity. Through spiritual conversations and relational discipleship, people are invited to follow Jesus outside the walls of a traditional church building.

Two Evangelistic Models, Two Real Challenges

Both the Seeker and Micro Church models are motivated by a heart to reach lost people—which I wholeheartedly applaud. Evangelism is essential to the Church’s mission and is one of the five ministry gifts listed in Ephesians 4:11.

However, both approaches come with real limitations.

1. The Seeker Movement: Church Activity ≠ Spiritual Growth

In 2008, Willow Creek conducted a study of their own ministry model. The results were startling: church activity didn’t necessarily lead to spiritual maturity. Nearly 25% of their congregation had “stalled” in their walk with Christ.

The idea that “if we build it, they will come—and grow” turned out to be a flawed assumption.

2. The Micro Church: Leader Shortage and Lack of Oversight

As micro churches multiply, they face a leadership crisis. If a 65-person church splits into micro churches of 10, you’d need 6 trained and equipped leaders. Without sufficient training and accountability, these groups can veer off theologically, become personality-driven, or fall into spiritual abuse or isolation.

With no denominational structure or doctrinal oversight, some micro churches become disconnected from biblical orthodoxy and historic Christian practice.

So What’s in-Between? The Small Church

I believe the small church stands in the gap between the Seeker Movement and the Micro Church Movement.

It offers the relational depth of the micro church and the structure and stability often missing in both newer and larger models.

Let me share a few advantages of the small church that are often overlooked:

1. It Doesn’t Require Big Budgets

Like the micro church, small churches can operate simply. You don’t need a high-end sound system, elaborate lighting, or a staff of specialists. You don’t even need a major online presence. What you do need is a faithful pastor and committed people, willing to build relationships, share Jesus, and invite others in.

2. No Hero Worship

Large seeker churches and even micro churches can accidentally elevate their leaders to near-celebrity status.

In contrast, small churches respect their pastors, but don’t idolize them. The size allows for healthy accountability and shared leadership, without the superstar complex or codependency that can plague other models.

3. A Strong Relational Focus

Micro churches excel at deep community. But so do small churches - just in a different way. In a small church:

* The Sunday school teachers already know your child by name.

* People don’t need name tags.

* Potlucks, service projects, and prayer nights are natural parts of life.

And unlike some micro churches, small churches are less likely to become isolated or inwardly focused.

4. Built-in Accountability

Small churches usually have denominational or local accountability structures that help guard doctrine, character, and mission. That’s a major advantage over newer models that lack oversight.

Plus, many small churches are located in tight-knit communities, where pastors and leaders are known -not just inside the church but in the town or neighborhood as well. That’s a powerful and natural safeguard.

A Quiet but Powerful Presence

New trends and fresh models will always emerge. But the small church remains—faithful, adaptable, and deeply rooted in relationship.

In a culture longing for authenticity, connection, and trust, small churches are already equipped to meet the need. They aren’t flashy, but they’re faithful. They aren’t large, but they’re deep. And they’re uniquely positioned to be part of the revival stirring in our day.

What stands between a once-effective model and a new, exciting movement is the often overlooked, always faithful small church—ready to offer Jesus, real relationships, spiritual maturity, and a family to belong to.

Why Telling Your Disciple-Making Story Is So Critical to Your Church

Pastor Doug Beutler

In my experience, most Christians have no idea how to make disciple-makers. That’s often what keeps them from doing it. One of the main reasons adult Christians don’t engage in disciple-making is because they were never personally discipled themselves.

Discipleship is not a new concept—Jesus clearly commanded us to go and make disciples. But somewhere along the way, the Church shifted its focus from making disciples to doing church. As a result, many believers simply don’t know how to do it, what it looks like, or where to start.

That’s why telling your disciple-making stories is absolutely critical for your church. These stories cast vision, model what disciple-making looks like, and create momentum. Let me share with you three reasons why telling these stories matters so much.

1. It Teaches Your Church to Celebrate the Right Things & Communicates Vision

There’s a simple but powerful truth:

What you celebrate communicates what you value.

If you constantly celebrate high attendance numbers, your people will assume numbers are your priority. There’s nothing inherently wrong with numbers, but if all the excitement is about how many people showed up to a service or event, you’re shaping the church’s values around that metric.

If your real priority is seeing people come to Christ or grow in their faith, then celebrate that. Share stories of salvation, transformation, and spiritual growth. When you testify about someone deepening their walk with Jesus or learning to make disciples, you’re casting vision in a practical and compelling way. You’re showing what matters most in your church.

I remember standing before our church celebrating that over 400 people came to our Trunk or Treat event. But we didn’t know who they were. No one from our church personally invited them. We didn’t capture any follow-up info. They came for candy, not connection. Afterward, someone asked me, “Why are we celebrating that?” It was a fair question. We weren’t celebrating disciple-making—we were celebrating attendance at a candy giveaway. That moment challenged me to rethink what I truly wanted our church to celebrate.

2. It Shows Your Church What a Disciple-Maker Looks Like

We know how to develop leaders. We create pipelines. We give opportunities. We debrief. We offer mentoring and training.

We do the same with volunteers. We pair new volunteers with experienced ones. We train, we observe, we equip.

So why don’t we approach disciple-making the same way?

Too often, if discipleship exists in our churches, it’s relegated to a program taught by professionals. But our people don’t need more curriculum—they need examples. They need to see how disciple-making relationships form. How do you start one? What do you talk about? What do you study together? How does it multiply?

These questions can be answered through real stories.

One of our disciple-makers built a friendship with a woman attending our church who was struggling after a painful breakup. She didn’t trust easily. So they started reading a book together on rebuilding trust from a biblical perspective. As they continued meeting, healing and spiritual growth took root. Six months in, the disciple-maker suggested the woman lead a women’s group at church. Her first response? “No way!” But over time, she agreed—and that step changed her. When they shared their story publicly, people saw exactly what disciple-making can look like. It wasn’t a program—it was a relationship. And it was powerful.

3. It Motivates Your Church to Actually Do It

Small churches often struggle with momentum. They may not have large crowds, big budgets, or flashy building projects. These are traditional signs of growth—but they’re not the mission.

Disciple-making is.

And what generates momentum more than anything else? Changed lives.

Whether it’s someone coming to Christ for the first time, returning to church after years away, or recommitting their life to Jesus—stories of transformation spark excitement. You don’t need big numbers or big dollars. You need testimonies.

I once shared a story in a service about a young man I was discipling and a bartender we were building a friendship with. The bartender had questions about faith, and we encouraged those conversations to grow. After the service, another Christian came up and asked me, “Can you and I do that? I want to start having spiritual conversations with my waitress.” That story motivated action.

When people hear stories of real-life disciple-making, it removes the mystery and fear. They realize: I could do that. And that’s the goal—to spark a movement of everyday disciple-makers in your church.

Telling your disciple-making stories is critical because:

1. It teaches your church to celebrate what matters and clearly communicates your vision.

2. It shows people what disciple-making actually looks like.

3. It inspires and motivates your people to step out and do it themselves.

You don’t need to have all the answers, but you do need to share the stories. Because stories plant seeds. And when the Church begins to celebrate and multiply changed lives, you won’t have to chase momentum—it will come naturally, as your people obey Jesus’ call: Go make disciples.