So You Want to Be a Disciple-Maker… Where Do You Start? The Weaknesses of the Invitational Style of Disciple-Making

Pastor Doug Beutler

In my last blog post, I highlighted the strengths of the Invitational Style of disciple-making.

Now I want to look honestly at three weaknesses that often show up when this style is practiced by itself.

I’ll never forget an experience at a child’s birthday party. A church member had invited their unchurched neighbor—and invited me as well. When I arrived, the neighbor walked in right behind me. The church member introduced me as their pastor, said I could answer all their questions about our church, and then promptly walked away. I remember thinking: “I don’t think this is how this is supposed to work.”

That moment captures some of the challenges that come with relying too heavily on invitations alone.

1. Invitation Alone Cannot Replace Relationship

Disciple-making begins and ends with a relationship. Invitations can support that relationship, but they can never replace it. Too often we assume that getting someone to an event, small group, or worship service is the finish line—when it’s really only the starting point.

If you invite someone, stay with them.

• Help them get oriented and comfortable.

• Introduce them to your friends.

• Sit with them so they’re not alone or intimidated.

• Follow up afterward: “How did you feel about what was taught?” “What stood out?” “Did you agree or disagree?”

Those follow-up conversations are where disciple-making actually happens.

I once watched a young person bring a friend to youth group after we had encouraged the students to invite others. As soon as our member walked into the auditorium, he rushed to hang out with his own friends and left his guest completely alone. I’m not sure he talked to his guest the entire evening. I used it as a teaching moment—but the truth is, adults often do the same thing. We get excited to see our friends and unintentionally abandon the very person we invited.

And I guarantee this: if we treat our guests like that, they won’t come back.

2. We Can Overemphasize the “Event” Instead of the Holy Spirit

Inviting others can feel intimidating. So we sometimes compensate by focusing too hard on making sure the event is flawless—perfect music, perfect transitions, perfect teaching, perfect atmosphere. But the average person you invite isn’t critiquing the program. They’re not grading the sermon. They’re not analyzing the worship. They’re simply taking it in.

I’ve been guilty of this myself. Many times I planned a “bring-a-friend” event and felt immense pressure for everything to be perfect. Every note had to land. Every cue had to fire. Every moment had to impress. If anything felt off, I would be frustrated. I’d find myself apologizing to guests—who always looked confused because they didn’t notice the things I was apologizing for! I had forgotten something essential: Events don’t change hearts. The Holy Spirit does.

When we overemphasize the quality of the event, we unintentionally underemphasize prayer, dependence on God, and the quiet work of the Spirit.

3. We Can Shift the Spiritual Conversations onto “the Leaders”

Another weakness shows up when we believe the pastor—or some other “expert”—should handle all the spiritual conversations. People invite their friends, bring them to church, and then say things like: “Pastor, you can explain things way better than I can.”

Suddenly I was discipling their friends, answering their questions, and carrying their spiritual burdens. Meanwhile, the inviter often remained disconnected from the disciple-making journey unfolding right in front of them.

Two things happen in this scenario:

1. The inviter never grows as a disciple-maker.

   Their friend is learning and taking steps toward Jesus—but they aren’t part of that journey.

2. The pastor becomes the bottleneck.

   I found myself stretched thin, trying to meet with everyone. And no multiplication happens when one person is doing all the discipling.

The power of disciple-making is found in relationships—not in outsourcing conversations to the pastor.

Next Time: The Service Style of Disciple-Making

In my next blog, we’ll explore another approach: The Service Style of Disciple-Making—its strengths, challenges, and how it fits into a healthy disciple-making life.

So You Want to Be a Disciple-Maker… Where Do You Start? The Invitational Style

By Pastor Doug Beutler

The Invitational Style is the second major style of disciple-making, and it’s one many believers naturally use without even realizing it.

I remember being invited to a Joe Bonamassa concert. I had barely heard of this world-class blues guitarist, but because someone I trusted invited me, I said yes. I would’ve never gone alone or paid the hefty ticket price—but that invitation opened the door to an unforgettable night. As a guitarist myself, I was captivated and inspired.

That is exactly how the Invitational Style works in disciple-making.

A simple invitation opens a door someone might never walk through on their own.

In John 4, the Samaritan woman at the well becomes a powerful example of this style. From her story, we see three strengths of the Invitational Style.

1. They Speak From Their Own Experience

John 4:25–26

Jesus meets the woman at the well and cuts through her questions by speaking directly to her heart. He reveals her past—not to shame her, but to show her that He sees her fully and still offers grace. Once she believes He is the Messiah, the first thing she does is run back to town—back to the very people she had avoided—and invites them to “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did.”

She simply shared her experience. That’s the hallmark of the Invitational Style.

I remember a young man from my youth ministry who loved snow skiing. When we planned a ski retreat, I invited him—knowing he likely wouldn’t come on his own. He was confident, maybe a bit cocky, but empty inside. On the second night, after I shared how Jesus had changed my life, he came to me with questions. He told me he had never heard of the Jesus I described that night—even though he had attended Sunday School. That night he began his walk with Christ, a walk that continued until he met Jesus face to face in a tragic accident years later.

Who knows? Maybe he never would’ve heard the gospel if he had not been invited.

2. They Have a Sense of Urgency

John 4:28–30

When the disciples returned, the woman didn’t linger—she dropped her water jar and went immediately back to town. She didn’t know how long Jesus would be there. She felt the urgency.

That’s how the Invitational Style works.

There’s an upcoming service, a special event, a Bible study—something that won’t be repeated. Time is limited, and the person inviting someone else knows the opportunity could be lost if they wait.

Years ago, my wife built a friendship with our neighbor, a young mother with many questions about parenting and life. When her children’s goldfish died, she turned to my wife for help talking to her kids about death. That opened the door to a spiritual conversation, and eventually my wife shared the gospel with her. After attending our church for several months, my wife invited her to our Christmas Eve service. She came—with her whole family.

That night, she and her two children accepted Christ.

The invitation mattered. The timing mattered.

3. They Share the Opportunity With Anyone Who Will Come

John 4:30

The woman didn’t limit her invitation to friends. She didn’t create a list of “safe” people. She invited everyone—including those who looked down on her. And Scripture tells us, “They came out of the town and made their way toward Him.” One woman’s invitation impacted an entire community.

We have a woman in our church with a difficult past but a forgiven heart. She befriended a woman who was lost, drifting, and sinking spiritually. Their trust grew, and eventually she invited her to church. The friend said yes. She came recently, and we are watching to see what God will do through that simple invitation.

Most of Us Came to Christ Because Someone Invited Us

Think back:

A church service.

A youth event.

A Bible study.

A retreat.

A conversation over coffee.

Most of us are where we are today spiritually because someone extended an invitation.

The Invitational Style is simple, natural, and incredibly effective.

Sometimes the most powerful disciple-making starts with one sentence:

“Would you like to come with me?”

Be watching for my next post, where I’ll explore the weaknesses of the Invitational Style of disciple-making and how to grow beyond them.

So You Want to Be a Disciple-Maker…Where do you start?

The Weaknesses of the Relational Style of Disciple Making

Pastor Doug Beutler

In my last blog, I talked about where to start if you want to become a disciple maker. We explored the relational style of disciple making and some of its great strengths.

Today, I want to talk about some of its weaknesses.

Someone once told me that the strengths of a personality, skill, or gift, when taken to the extreme, can become its weakness. That’s especially true of the relational style of disciple making. In this post, I’ll share three common weaknesses that often arise when this style is pushed to the extreme.

1. The Love of Acceptance Leaves Them Vulnerable to Peer Pressure

One of the biggest challenges for those with a relational style is their deep desire to be accepted. They love people so much that they don’t want anyone to be upset with them. They don’t want to be rejected or disappoint others, and because they dislike confrontation, they’ll often avoid it at all costs.

That desire to please can make them vulnerable to peer pressure. They may give in when they shouldn’t, say “yes” when they should say “no,” or stay silent when they ought to speak up. Often, this comes from a place of insecurity — wanting people’s approval rather than resting in God’s love and approval.

I remember early in my ministry, when I worked for Youth for Christ Campus Life, we took a group of kids to Florida for a week-long conference. After a long drive, we stopped for the night in Ocala and decided to watch a movie together. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t something we should’ve been watching either. I knew better, but because everyone wanted to see it — students and staff alike — I gave in.

Later, I felt deeply convicted. My desire to be liked had gotten in the way of making a godly decision.

If this is your tendency, remember this truth: God already loves and accepts you. You don’t need to compromise to be accepted by others.

2. They Avoid Risking the Friendship

Relational disciple makers often invest deeply in friendships — they work hard to build and nurture them. That’s a beautiful thing, but sometimes the fear of losing the friendship can keep them from sharing their faith.

They may think, “If I bring up Jesus, it could make things awkward or even end the friendship.” So they stay quiet, even when the Holy Spirit nudges them to speak. But real love and true friendship mean we’re willing to talk about the hard things, even when it’s uncomfortable.

I remember a trip I took in college with my roommate and a friend. One night, they wanted to stay for an X-rated movie at a drive-in. I didn’t want to, but they pressured me — and for a moment, I gave in. As I sat there, I felt miserable. Finally, I told them I was leaving, even if it meant walking back to the campground. To my surprise, they both decided to leave too.

Fifteen years later, that same friend — now a pastor — came up to me at a conference. He said, “I’ve wanted to tell you for years that I’m sorry for that night. Your boldness to stand for what was right changed my life.”

I was shocked, but humbled. What I thought might hurt our friendship actually deepened it. True friendship grows stronger when it’s rooted in truth.

3. They Put Earning the Right to Be Heard Ahead of Speaking the Truth

Earning the right to be heard is important — people need to know we care before they care what we know. But sometimes, relational disciple makers take this too far. They keep waiting for the “perfect time” to talk about Jesus — a time that never comes.

We must remember that the people we love the most are the ones who most need to hear the gospel from us. The real question is: Do we love them, and do they know it? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to speak truth in love.

People are often more open to hearing about Jesus than we think. Many are quietly wondering if God is real and if faith actually makes a difference.

I’m reminded of a story about Lloyd, a doctoral student who was a follower of Christ. He often had lunch with a classmate named Al, who didn’t know Jesus. Many times, their conversations edged toward faith, but Lloyd always held back, afraid he hadn’t earned the right to share yet. One day, as they discussed grace, Lloyd placed his pen on the table and said, “Al, when you decide to accept the gift of grace and commit your life to Christ, pick up this pen.” Al sat silently for over an hour. A friend walked by and, seeing the tension, said jokingly, “Why not do it now and get on with your life?” and walked away. Moments later, Al reached out, grabbed the pen, and said, “Now is the time.” Lloyd realized then — the risk was worth it.

The truth is, the risk is always worth it.

The relational style of disciple making is powerful — it builds trust, love, and genuine connection. But it also requires intentionality. We must recognize our weaknesses, submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading, and walk closely with Him every day.

When we do, our relationships don’t just grow deeper — they become plowed holy ground for God to work through us.

So You Want to Be a Disciple-Maker… Where Do You Start?

We’ve heard sermons about disciple-making.

We’ve read about it in Scripture.

We know Jesus commanded it.

But there’s one haunting question that keeps many followers of Jesus from actually making disciples:

Where do I start?

The best place to start is by understanding your style of disciple-making. Every follower of Jesus has a unique way of influencing others based on personality, spiritual gifts, and life experiences. While we may use all the styles at different times, most of us naturally lean toward one or two.

In this post, we’ll begin with the most common approach — the relational style of disciple-making.

The Strengths of the Relational Style of Disciple-Making

1. It encourages people to come together and discover Jesus.

Luke 5:29a – “Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house…”

After Levi decided to follow Jesus, the first thing he did was throw a banquet. He invited his friends — many who didn’t yet know Jesus — to meet Him. Jesus was the guest of honor, and the meal became a setting for transformation.

There’s something about eating together that breaks down barriers. Whether it’s over a meal, coffee, or a casual meetup, these neutral spaces create room for honest, heart-level conversations.

I often tell pastors to get out of their offices and meet people in public places. I know one pastor who goes to the same coffee shop every Thursday for two hours. He posts it on social media and invites anyone to stop by. His purpose? To meet people, listen to their stories, have spiritual conversations, and share the good news of Jesus. That’s what it looks like to be a relational disciple-maker.

2. It engages friends and family in spiritual conversations about Jesus.

Luke 5:29b – “…and a large crowd…”

Levi’s banquet was a party with a purpose. The crowd included tax collectors and others who were considered sinners. These were people the religious crowd avoided — but Jesus went right to them.

Today, people are still curious about faith. A recent LifeWay survey found that 51% of Americans are curious about why people are so devoted to their faith, and 60% of the religiously unaffiliated are open to hearing about faith and having spiritual conversations. That’s an open door waiting to be walked through.

One of our church elders felt led to start an “open table” in the park during the summer. Each week they ate together, then transitioned into a seeker-friendly Bible discussion. The table became a safe place for people to ask honest questions about faith — conversations that might never have happened inside a church building.

3. It enjoys a diverse group of people in spiritual conversations.

Luke 5:29c – “…a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them…”

What a diverse gathering! Tax collectors, sinners, Jesus’ followers, and even religious leaders — all together because of Jesus. The only thing they had in common was Him.

Relational disciple-makers love this kind of environment. They enjoy meeting new people, appreciate diversity, and can skillfully turn everyday conversations into spiritual ones. People energize them.

I once met a young man at Starbucks who had been visiting our church. He joined our church softball team, and over time we started talking about faith. As he shared about his life and work, he admitted he didn’t have much of a spiritual foundation. But he was drawn to the joy and friendship he saw among the guys on the team. I told him that what he saw in them came from their relationship with Jesus. He said, “I want to know more.” That single conversation led to weekly meetings and eventually a disciple-making relationship.

That’s the heart of the relational style — creating spaces where people can belong, believe, and begin to follow Jesus.

Looking Ahead

Next time, we’ll take an honest look at some of the weaknesses of the relational style of disciple-making — and how to grow through them.